The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas: #03: Movie Review: Home Alone (1990)

 Home Alone (1990) is a good-natured family comedy from my childhood that still entertains twenty years later. It is the story of what happens to a young, obnoxious little boy, Kevin McCallister (played by Macaulay Culkin), when he wishes he could just live alone. While rushing to board a plane to France, Kevin's parents inadvertently leave their son home alone, and the kid finds out first-hand that dreams sometimes come true. While fun at first, Kevin soon realizes that the world he wanted can turn nasty in a heartbeat.

Reality isn't the only antagonist in this new world. A pair of bumbling burglars, played wonderfully by Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci have their sights set on Kevin's house and the treasure trove of goods within. Much of the story revolves around a cat-and-mouse battle for survival as the criminals repeatedly attempt to rob the house.

As a kid, I would have to say I found the Tom & Jerry aspects the most appealing. Watching it all come to a head in his little fun house of torture was everything it could be for a nine-year-old. I still remember getting the VHS and ripping it open to find the cheesy little blueprint of his madness. Fun stuff.

Watching it now, I think it is the human connections that get to me the most. The old man and his son, Kevin's mother (played to beautifully by Catherine O'Hara) going berserk trying to get home to her son, and the always great-and-mighty John Candy's comforting presence in the back of the Budget Rental van.

Home Alone strikes many mature themes throughout, focusing on maturity, security, and judging others. It teaches us to face our fears, even at the risk of failure. It states that loneliness is no substitute for happiness.

Chris Columbus directs a John Hughes script with a fairly heavy twinkle that makes the film a must-see during the Christmas season. Hughes was a genius at blending comedy with a serious tone and it comes through masterfully here.

One thing I noticed this year that I hadn't seen previously is a certain weakness of relationship between father McCallister (John Heard) and his son. Keep an eye on the reunion scene, as it seems he could really give a damn that his son is okay. A slight hug, a well-wish, then--? Sort of interesting, especially as it is coupled shortly by the reunion scene between the old man and his son next door. Maybe it is the foreshadow of a falling out to come.

Overall, Home Alone is a second-tier modern Christmas classic that can be shared yearly by any age group.

For Its Genre/Era/X: Great

Overall: Really Good

P.S. Senta Moses is as cute as a Senta Moses napping in a pile of kittens and puppies.

TTPOC #3: Movie Review: Die Hard (1988) (Recut)

When her company expands to the west coast, working mother Holly McClane makes a decision that ends up tearing her family apart. Chasing a promotion into the California wilds, with her children in tow, Holly leaves New York and her husband to the icy draft of her exit. Months pass. The separation wears their marriage to a fine dust. Between all of the arguments and painful bursts of truth, Holly begins to doubt if they can ever rekindle what was.


Christmas Eve comes. Arrives in California with a cool breeze: A man, a stuffed bear, and the unease of doing what's right. The cards are stacked. Will the hero sweep her off her feet? Or will his foot and mouth reconnect to ruin the only chance he has left? Has too much time elapsed? Has she found someone new? Is there any hope at all?

Die Hard (1988) is the heartwarming story of a police detective from New York City traveling three thousand miles to rejoin his family for the holiday season. Tested by an active Christmas Eve evening, filled with all the glamor and horror of a holiday business party, one father, one husband, one man, must walk through the shards of hell to save what matters most.


Bruce Willis stars as John McClane, a tough-talking cop who will stop at nothing to see his family brought back together. Filled with enough emotional highs and lows to fill a roomful of stockings, Die Hard is the Christmas gift that won't quit. Whether it is the look in Holly's eyes as she sees him for the first time in months, or the look on John's face as an inferno rush of heat comes to blush his cheeks at a fleeting moment of triumph, it's hard to keep from melting to the wonder and majesty of this Romantic fantasy.

With an outstanding supporting cast, including Bonnie Bedelia as Holly, Reginald VelJohnson as the likable angel on John's shoulder, and Alan Rickman as the chief rival to the lover's reunion, Die Hard is much more than your run-of-the-mill romantic dramas. It is an all-time classic of the genre.

Directed by John McTiernan, who packs every second with the right blend of warmth and tension, the film plays every note to perfection, even the surprise ending (that really can't be explained rationally), and keeps the screen packed with all the elements that made Hollywood great.

While some may throw about the term "chick-flick" or just label it as just another Christmas movie, let it be known that it is so much more than that. Die Hard is the very definition of the Christmas spirit. It's about family coming together. It's about finding all the joy missing from life, and it comes neatly packaged in two hours of bliss.


The film reminds us of the good in the world. It reminds us of the strength it sometimes takes to get what we need most in life. It reminds us that in the end, through hard work and the right attitude, we may be victorious.

Die Hard is a must-see for the season.


For Its Genre: Awesome.
Overall: Awesome.

TTPOC #09: Movie Review: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

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Yule Crack Up!

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) tells the story of one man's attempt to have an old-fashioned happy family Christmas. A holiday classic, Vacation is an excellent comedy that should be in everyone's collection. It just seems it isn't Christmas without it.

Chevy Chase stars as Clark W. Griswold (reprising his role from the earlier vacation films), a Romantic at heart who will stop at nothing to get his family into the real meaning of Christmas spirit. But as his house quickly fills up between warring in-laws, his nitpicking children, an uninvited cousin-in-law (with family and RV in tow), animals going ape, and a year-end bonus check up in the air, he's finding out that the holiday is driving him insane.

'Tis The Season To Be Merry!

A far-ranging comedy, from the toilet to the heartstrings (it was written by the wonderful John Hughes), Christmas Vacation works on so many levels because we've all been there in spirit. Sure, our cousin-in-law may've never emptied his shitter into our storm drain, and maybe an asshole uncle has never burned down the Christmas tree, but it's all about nerves, and I bet anyone has had his balls (her toes) stepped on by a relative at some point in time.

And that's the point of this comedy or any good story when dealing with issues of an everyday nature. The normal frustrations of a family Christmas (finding the perfect tree, getting a sudden headache, not getting what we wanted or expected) is amplified to a Godly power of ten here. And it shows us the true spirit of the holiday season—namely that shit happens, so just suck it up and be thankful for having family and friends to be able to hold company with.

Chase plays his character well, moving in an almost manic fashion about the spectrum of sanity. His eyes outplay his words in many memorable moments, which are always an excellent indication of someone adding more than just breath behind a line of script. The big rant about his boss is awesome, especially the huffing call for Tylenol at the end of it.

Chase is supported here by a talented cast, which includes Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, William Hickey, and Brian Doyle-Murray among others, and each helps the production get the most out of Hughes's script. Randy Quaid stands out as Cousin Eddie, a man described as having a bigger heart than brain. A likable character, Eddie's equipped with enough persona and peculiarities to have a script all his own ( not the abomination fourteen years later, mind you, but a Hughes script. Seriously, wtfwt?).

As far as comedy goes, most of the bits here hit solidly, with only a few odd or flat. The only real aspect of it I don't really care for is the whole grating Yuppie couple next door bits. Some of it's okay, but I guess it just feels kinda out of place.

A holiday movie with tons of laughs, a good heart, and some memorable moments, Christmas Vacation is a necessity for this time of year.

For its Era/Genre/Etc.: Awesome
Overall: Great.





Aside: I just fair used the hell out of Ms. Scorsese. Yowza!

TTPOC 2008: #03: Movie Review: Bad Santa (2003)

Since the mid-90s, Hollywood has thrown many Holiday-themed pictures our way, thinking we mindless idiots would lap them up the way we had with the genuine modern classics. More often than not they failed to deliver any of the charm or warmth that made a Christmas movie a wonderful experience. Year after year, we were tortured out of our minds as the same stories cycled through the Cineplex.

In 2003, Terry Zwigoff made a film called Bad Santa and gave us one of the funniest, raunchiest, nastiest, beautifully heartfelt 90 minutes of Christmastime bliss that we as movie fans were craving.

Billy Bob Thornton stars as Willie, a foul-mouthed, sex-crazed alcoholic, who works seasonally as Santa Claus (and the Easter Bunny --Sequel Bait?--) and with his little sidekick, the mastermind behind it all, robs the shopping malls they work for. Drawn back into the game because he pissed away the money from the previous score, Willie wants nothing more than a bottle of whiskey, a quickie, his money, and to be left the hell alone.

Through an encounter of innocence with a shy chubby boy simply called The Kid, played wonderfully by Brett Kelly, and various sexual encounters with a Santa fetishist, played by the adorable Lauren Graham, Willie's Scrooge-like exterior begins to melt and makes him begin to see the scumbag that he is.

While the vulgarity and the situations here are hilarious and down-right crude, the great thing about Bad Santa is the fact that it has, in its deepest, deepest core, a fast-beating heart that finds a way to make the Season bright. Even Willie's salvation isn't so much touching as it is hilarious and keeping with the tone of the movie (he beats the hell out of a kid).

Thornton, Kelley, and Graham shine in this gem, but the main attraction is the wise-cracking, diminutive crook/elf played by Tony Cox, whose mouth is a mile of sewage a second and some of the exchanges with Thornton's character are floor-rolling fare.

For a good time, when the lights are low and the kiddies are off to their rooms to pretend they are sleeping, do yourself a favor and queue up Bad Santa. You won't regret it.

Bernie Mac and John Ritter co-star.

For Its Genre/Era/X: Awesome.

Overall: Awesome.

One more...she's just too cute.

Movie Review: John Rambo (2008)

Okay, a serious review of Rambo.

A group of missionaries seek Rambo's help to go up river into war-torn Burma to help poor villagers.
Rambo reluctantly assists.
They get hammered and the survivors kidnapped by the Burmese military.
A group of mercenaries seek Rambo's help to go up river into war-torn Burma to rescue the missionaries.
Rambo willingly assists.
They say, "Hey, Boatman, The Fuck do you think you're going?! You're the boatman. Stay with the boat."
They get pinned down and watch a truck-load of civilians get pushed out into a firing zone.
Rambo jumps into action and Jesus Christ your heart won't stop pounding till the lights rise in your living room.

This is bare-bones filmmaking at some of its greatest.
There is one story.
There is a defined good guy.
There is a well-defined bad guy.
There is no moral relativism.
Evil is evil.
Period.

This movie is eighty minutes of pulse-pounding adrenaline. The final thirty will leave you breathless as Rambo decimates the enemy.

They've rarely made movies like this since the eighties.

Since 2000, there's been this and 300 to provide even a hint of masculinity in the movies. Okay, so maybe it's not fair that most of the real men have either died or retired or have stopped getting work. (Come back, Gene Hackman. Come back, sir.)



For its Genre/Era/X: 5/5
Overall: 4/5

Movie Review: True Grit (1969)

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When her father is gunned down, little Mattie Ross (played wonderfully by Kim Darby) solicits the help of a man with True Grit. A tough son of a gun rough enough to get her the justice she craves. She finds a drunken, fat, old, one-eyed Marshall by the name of Rooster Cogburn (John Wayne) to hunt down the perpetrator instead. But he has reservations about helping a kid like her.

When it becomes clear that her father's killer, Tom Chaney (Jeff Corey), is running with Lucky Ned Pepper (Robert Duvall), a man Rooster's had his good eye on for a while, the old drunk is eager to get her man. Along for the ride is a Texas Ranger named La Boeuf (Glen Campbell), who is looking at a very fine purse for taking Chaney back to face justice back home.

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The beauty of this film is in the dialogue. Darby's performance as a tough-talking young girl, carrying about her dead daddy's gun and the name of her family's lawyer as a sword is perfectly matched against John Wayne's tough Marshall and Campbell's Ranger.

True Grit is two hours of excellent entertainment that explodes into one of the more excellent climaxes (so far as in the Ned Pepper subplot, I mean) in movie history. There is nothing like watching The Duke riding head-long, four against one, hell-bent for justice.

While this is one of Glen Campbell's earliest roles, he handles the part okay, if a little off and a little stiff at times. The only other problem I had was too few scenes with the badass Robert Duvall. I love Duvall, but think his character could have had a few more minutes to be evil.

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Wayne's performance is excellent as the grumpy old drunk. The more of his films I see, the more used to seeing his presence I become. I think it's what made him an icon. I remember being sort of off-put the first time I really saw him act. (I'm actually embarrassed I hadn't seen more of his stuff back when I was a kid. Westerns were never really my thing until after the all-night movie runs my brother and I would sit through had long passed us by.) This is John Wayne? I asked myself. He seems so different. But after a while it hits. There hasn't been a star of his caliber in thirty years. There have been great actors since surely, but not someone who made a picture something so special. Wayne made a picture an event.

True Grit is one such film.



For its Genre/Era/X: 5/5.
Overall: 5/5.


Look for a very young Dennis Hopper half-way through.

Movie Review: Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

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Ehh...

It seems like Rob Zombie had a couple of choices here in his 2007 remake, and what we are left with is a mash-up of three movies. You have the little nut goes ape first part and gets therapy beginning, a condensed remake of John Carpenter's original middle, and a kind of thrilling climax.

The biggest problem here is all the potential that went to waste.

This could have easily been another take on the slasher flick without all the "Halloween" bits. The origin parts had a helluva lot of potential if it had nothing to do with Michael Myers.

It could have been a complete remake of the greatest horror flick ever. Instead, by condensing a 90 minute movie into forty minutes, Zombie manages to strip all of the dread from the guts of the original.

All that said, Myers is as badass as ever, though the origin story kind of makes him too human for us to really be even close to chilled as in the original.

But like many things, there are worse ways to spend two hours.

One of the best parts of the movie is the cast. The young Myers is played well by Daeg Faerch. And a ton of Zombie regulars show up to fill holes in the uneven result. Brad Dourif, Malcolm McDowell, and Sheri Moon Zombie highlight the cast.

Just like Zach Snyder's "Dawn of the Dead" remake, I think a few changes of script could have helped to separate the name from the brand.



For the record, Snyder's "Dawn" is pretty awesome.



For its Genre/Era/X: 3/5
Overall: 3/5

Movie Review: 300 (2007)

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300 (2007) is the story of the battle at Thermopolaye as revamped by Frank Miller's and Lynn Varley's graphic novel and again by Director Zack Snyder. Gerard Butler stars as King Leonidas, ruler of Sparta, who decides against the wishes of both the senate and the old religious sect to march three hundred of his best men into the mountain pass at Thermopolaye to face down the giant beast that is the Persian army.

Led by the power drunk madman Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro), who fashions himself a god-king over all of the Persian Empire, the Persians are determined to take over the world. Through forced slavery, war, murder, mayhem, the Persian Empire moved swiftly from Asia toward the Atlantic ocean devouring the land as they marched.

Teamed with a small contingent of fellow Greeks, the 300 Spartans march into the hot gates of hell, a strategic battleground that would stifle any army, to defend their homeland from the vast Persian army.

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Based primarily on the comic, 300 is painstakingly faithful to Frank Miller's vision. Many images in the film are actually transferred from the frames of the comic series itself. Here present are also the many themes (honor, freedom, defense of the homeland, sacrifice, and heroism) that for one reason or another come as a big breath of fresh air over the other kind of stories Hollywood has told us in thirty years.

Violent, visually stunning, and physically exciting, 300 works as pure entertainment with a message about sacrifice and honor that has been missed. The special effects are top-notch, the acting is good, especially from Butler and, Lena Headey, who plays Queen Gorgo, and the cinematography is excellent.

Filmed in the fashion of a graphic novel, 300 is beautiful to watch. Each shot has been rendered with an artistic touch, and under Zack Snyder's careful direction, delivers more than just a film. It delivers an experience.

After 2004's Dawn of the Dead "remake" Snyder is quickly proving that he has the makeup of a talented storyteller and should continue to impress for a long time.



For Its Genre/Era/X: 5/5
Overall: 4/5

Movie Review: Rescue Dawn (2006)

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Christian Bale stars as Dieter Dengler, in "Rescue Dawn," Werner Herzog's powerful POW film set in the early stages of the Vietnam War. Flying a secret mission into Laos, Dengler's aircraft gets shot down and he gets captured, tortured, and imprisoned by a Laotian squad of a-holes. From there, it is a battle to survive, a battle to thrive, a battle to get the hell out of dodge.

Bale shines as Dengler, a german-born man whose dream in life was to fly airplanes, and who got his chance with the American Armed Forces. Bale is one of the most talented actors working today--from his performances in American Psycho, The Prestige, and his brilliant revamped Bruce Wayne in the newest Batman Pictures (fingers crossed for the Dark Knight), Bale is proving himself to be one hell of a persona on-screen. And he does not disappoint here.

Steve Zahn, a funny actor I first noticed in SubUrbia, a film adaption of the great Eric Bogosian's play of the same name, turns in a solid dramatic performance as one of the fellow American POWs Dengler shares hell with in Laos.

Jeremy Davies turns in a great performance as Gene. *Even if history was rewritten to set up more obstacles for tension using Gene as a conduit, the acting here is top notch in so many ways.

A surprisingly quiet film, this is not a rehash of Steve McQueen's epic "The Great Escape." It's a rather beautiful story of keeping hope alive in the harshest of territories. Often times sad, often times inspirational, "Rescue Dawn" is two hours of cinema that will stay with you.

*There has been some talk of changing history to create tension, and while it would be nice to know some truth, the performances by the three leads, and the story itself, are too great for that to be a bother. Some say the same thing about Braveheart and go out of their way to destroy that awesome movie. Sometimes you just have to take the elements of story with a grain of Mrs. Dash.



For its Genre/Era/X: 5/5
Overall: 4/5

A Note on the Return of Movie Reviews

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They are briefer.

They will still be every Thursday.

My ratings will change to x/5 to illustrate my affection better.
The old ratings were too positive to really describe my feelings well.

Meh= 1
Okay = 2
Really Good = 3
Great = 4
Awesome = 5

becomes

1 = Crap
2 = Meh
3 = Okay
4 = Pretty Damn Good
5 = If it's between watching this and saving your friend's life, your friend will probably wait for you in Heaven or Hell (wherever they end up).

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The only movies the briefer reviews may change for will be some of my favorites. Hell, if I ever seriously review OUATITW, it'll be like seven thousand words on the greatness of that movie.

Movie Review: Click (2006)

Click is the story of Michael Newman (Adam Sandler), a man consumed with his job, who goes out one night looking for a universal remote to make his life run smoother, and who finds Christopher Walken and his workshop instead (at the Beyond part of a Bed, Bath & Beyond).

Walken gives him a remote that can stop time, fast forward it, pause, etc. etc. It does everything we thought it could do when we were kids (The VCR Generation). Michael becomes consumed with its use, skipping out on arguments, getting stuck in traffic, waiting for a promotion, etc. Then, as the years fly by without much input from himself, Michael realizes he's made a big mistake.

The most surprising element of Click is the touching quality of it. When it begins, you think it's gonna be like another Happy Gilmore-type Sandler comedy--but then it twists and hits you in the guts with a ball peen hammer.

It becomes a story about family, about love, about being there through all the boring or painful parts so you can experience all the good that is in life.

A very touching movie (and the comedy is pretty good too), Click is worth the time to sit down and enjoy it with loved ones. It's like a later Hughes film, if he still got/wanted work. Think of Click as a watered down Planes, Trains & Automobiles (without all the cross-country traveling or buddy-picture bickering, or the complete greatness, but seriously--add about a quart of water).

The evolution of Adam Sandler continues in this sentimental comedy released in 2006. I've been a fan of Sandler's since his earliest days on SNL, enjoying both his amateurish characters and especially his delivery, and this film delivers him into a more mature position in his career. Good stuff.

Kate Beckinsale guest stars.


For its Era/Genre/X: 4/5
Overall: 3/5

Photos obtained from celebscentral.net
Promotional poster from wiki.
I'm Fair Using these pics to illustrate the review of the film.

Review: John Rambo (2008)

Holy %$#@!


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