The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #01

The tradition continues. This is my favorite song of Waits's. Again, a lot of dickholes in the audience during certain parts. Merry Christmas.

Till we meet again.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #02

So, it is that time of year again. I'm typing this early, so I'm not sure if my Mississippi Mud is gonna turn out right, but I'm sure it has. This year's been full of ups and downs. A few publications here and there, and I did manage to find a job. But my production has slowed and I lost my best bud of seventeen years. Big Boy, the cheeto-eatin' namesake of the blog, passed away while I was off to Roanoke. He was so fucking awesome.



I'm not ready to shroud him in blue yet.



Anyway, 2010 is approaching. I've already got poetry lined up for a few places (one I've tried to get into a couple of times). I wish I had more to share with you, but I guess I'll repost what I thought was my best preposthumous piece, which no one saw:

"Gunfire in Richmond" kicks ass. Tell your friends.

Soon, once I get access to a cabal of high speed internets, I'm gonna upload two videos I made in the past year. A video for Strapping Young Lad's "Detox" and a trailer for my first poetry manuscript that I haven't even submitted to anyone yet. The latter video even includes lines that have already been revised before this last submission period.

Merry Christmas, friends.
Happy New Year, too.

I'll leave you with a little funny. Here's that viral Bauer v. Claus video:

TTPOC #3: Movie Review: Die Hard (1988) (Recut)

When her company expands to the west coast, working mother Holly McClane makes a decision that ends up tearing her family apart. Chasing a promotion into the California wilds, with her children in tow, Holly leaves New York and her husband to the icy draft of her exit. Months pass. The separation wears their marriage to a fine dust. Between all of the arguments and painful bursts of truth, Holly begins to doubt if they can ever rekindle what was.


Christmas Eve comes. Arrives in California with a cool breeze: A man, a stuffed bear, and the unease of doing what's right. The cards are stacked. Will the hero sweep her off her feet? Or will his foot and mouth reconnect to ruin the only chance he has left? Has too much time elapsed? Has she found someone new? Is there any hope at all?

Die Hard (1988) is the heartwarming story of a police detective from New York City traveling three thousand miles to rejoin his family for the holiday season. Tested by an active Christmas Eve evening, filled with all the glamor and horror of a holiday business party, one father, one husband, one man, must walk through the shards of hell to save what matters most.


Bruce Willis stars as John McClane, a tough-talking cop who will stop at nothing to see his family brought back together. Filled with enough emotional highs and lows to fill a roomful of stockings, Die Hard is the Christmas gift that won't quit. Whether it is the look in Holly's eyes as she sees him for the first time in months, or the look on John's face as an inferno rush of heat comes to blush his cheeks at a fleeting moment of triumph, it's hard to keep from melting to the wonder and majesty of this Romantic fantasy.

With an outstanding supporting cast, including Bonnie Bedelia as Holly, Reginald VelJohnson as the likable angel on John's shoulder, and Alan Rickman as the chief rival to the lover's reunion, Die Hard is much more than your run-of-the-mill romantic dramas. It is an all-time classic of the genre.

Directed by John McTiernan, who packs every second with the right blend of warmth and tension, the film plays every note to perfection, even the surprise ending (that really can't be explained rationally), and keeps the screen packed with all the elements that made Hollywood great.

While some may throw about the term "chick-flick" or just label it as just another Christmas movie, let it be known that it is so much more than that. Die Hard is the very definition of the Christmas spirit. It's about family coming together. It's about finding all the joy missing from life, and it comes neatly packaged in two hours of bliss.


The film reminds us of the good in the world. It reminds us of the strength it sometimes takes to get what we need most in life. It reminds us that in the end, through hard work and the right attitude, we may be victorious.

Die Hard is a must-see for the season.


For Its Genre: Awesome.
Overall: Awesome.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #04

Christmas Poem. Written by a soldier. I think the breakdown is on the Youtube video description.

TTPOC #5: Preposthumous Poetry & Stuffz #32

Click to en-biggen

"The Moment Before The Shot, She Exhales" was a poem about a female sniper. It still is, but now she's shooting a badly drawn santa throwing horns and hissing. Just having some fun as about ten inches of powder falls from above.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #06

Gremlins Parody.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #07

Another Light Show with a little more heavier feel to it.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #08

Another well-done re-cut trailer, featuring one of my favorite Christmas movies. Home Alone.

TTPOC #09: Movie Review: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

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Yule Crack Up!

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) tells the story of one man's attempt to have an old-fashioned happy family Christmas. A holiday classic, Vacation is an excellent comedy that should be in everyone's collection. It just seems it isn't Christmas without it.

Chevy Chase stars as Clark W. Griswold (reprising his role from the earlier vacation films), a Romantic at heart who will stop at nothing to get his family into the real meaning of Christmas spirit. But as his house quickly fills up between warring in-laws, his nitpicking children, an uninvited cousin-in-law (with family and RV in tow), animals going ape, and a year-end bonus check up in the air, he's finding out that the holiday is driving him insane.

'Tis The Season To Be Merry!

A far-ranging comedy, from the toilet to the heartstrings (it was written by the wonderful John Hughes), Christmas Vacation works on so many levels because we've all been there in spirit. Sure, our cousin-in-law may've never emptied his shitter into our storm drain, and maybe an asshole uncle has never burned down the Christmas tree, but it's all about nerves, and I bet anyone has had his balls (her toes) stepped on by a relative at some point in time.

And that's the point of this comedy or any good story when dealing with issues of an everyday nature. The normal frustrations of a family Christmas (finding the perfect tree, getting a sudden headache, not getting what we wanted or expected) is amplified to a Godly power of ten here. And it shows us the true spirit of the holiday season—namely that shit happens, so just suck it up and be thankful for having family and friends to be able to hold company with.

Chase plays his character well, moving in an almost manic fashion about the spectrum of sanity. His eyes outplay his words in many memorable moments, which are always an excellent indication of someone adding more than just breath behind a line of script. The big rant about his boss is awesome, especially the huffing call for Tylenol at the end of it.

Chase is supported here by a talented cast, which includes Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, William Hickey, and Brian Doyle-Murray among others, and each helps the production get the most out of Hughes's script. Randy Quaid stands out as Cousin Eddie, a man described as having a bigger heart than brain. A likable character, Eddie's equipped with enough persona and peculiarities to have a script all his own ( not the abomination fourteen years later, mind you, but a Hughes script. Seriously, wtfwt?).

As far as comedy goes, most of the bits here hit solidly, with only a few odd or flat. The only real aspect of it I don't really care for is the whole grating Yuppie couple next door bits. Some of it's okay, but I guess it just feels kinda out of place.

A holiday movie with tons of laughs, a good heart, and some memorable moments, Christmas Vacation is a necessity for this time of year.

For its Era/Genre/Etc.: Awesome
Overall: Great.





Aside: I just fair used the hell out of Ms. Scorsese. Yowza!

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #10

"Carol of the Bells" Pretty awesome light display.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #11

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Weird Al.

TTPOC #12: Preposthumous Poetry & Stuffz: Work #31

Click to En-Biggen

Early Christmas Morning is one of my "oldest" poems. Not sure how old. I retired it a while ago and forgot I had done so. The little illustration a one-off I did just a few minutes before putting it into p-shop. Merry Christmas.

The Thirteen Posts Of Christmas 2009: #13

I saw Megadeth at the National on November 21. It was a hell of a show. This snippet is just some of the footage available on Youtube. Following this link will allow you to see them...

Sidenote: I may or may not make a cameo appearance in this video. @ 1:15. Fat head. Check. Glasses. Check. Megadeth cap pulled down low. Double Check. I'm pretty sure that's me. I'm also pretty sure I'm going deaf, too. \m/




My new job, not to mention my shitty new ISP, has really taken some time away from me and posting here, and though TW Fridays and the Preposthumous Poetry posts are somewhat in the past, I didn't want this part of the blog's history to go to waste.

Most of the posts this year will be new. One will definitely be old, since google took my hits away from it (for adding a "Christmas" tag to it (no less)). I figure it wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. No one remembers 2007 anyway.




Sorry, 2007.