"God Bless America". . .Still?

Seriously?

I can see New York singing it.
The attacks and all.
Washington, too.
If they ever field a contender.
Hell, Pennsylvania.
Go right ahead.

But Boston and Colorado?

Boyz II Fucking Men???

Do they even make new music anymore?

The last time I heard anything new from them my family and I were watching Lethal Weapon 3 in a crowded Dollar Theater outside Lynchburg, Virginia a decade ago.


I'm sure "Take Me Out" was at least hummed somewhere in Boston tonight, right?

Right?

It's nice to be patriotic, God blessing America is great and all, but what's more patriotic than the friggin' theme song to the friggin' American Pastime? Maybe it's a Yankee thing.

Maybe.

I'd rather watch Rosanne grab on her camel toe and spit than listen to a handful of douchebags butcher the Pastime's pastime of standing up in the split of the seventh and bellowing out like drunkards the chorus of the song that unites Americans--and has for generations.

The song served its purpose for the first year. Maybe the second.

But how many times are you gonna shuffle Ronan Tynan out onto the infield to give us his rendition before the people finally say Enough!

My Southern ass will gladly sing about cracker jack and counting out the number of strikes a batter gets before he's sucking pine. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just history, but dammit, quit dicking about with the game and give us back out little chorus in peace.

It's almost as bad as all these jackholes getting up there and seeing how many retarded tremolos and vibratos they can fit into the Star Spangled before air support buzzes them out of sound. Even John Williams got into the act, but I think that had more to do with crappy placement of microphones than a messy cacophony composed by the master.

Sometimes I hope a teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy laser-guided bomb is jangling loose upon approach with some of them.

For the anthem's sake and our own.

God bless us all.